Windows 2000 and XP

Windows 2000 Pro SP 4 installed on VirtualBox under Linux. Installing a display driver is even more of a pain in the ass than under NT4, but after I do that Win2K already looks the way I want all my operating systems to look. Opera 9.60 is the last version that runs on this OS.

Windows XP is fairly painless to install, but the default is the Fisher-Price “Luna” theme, with annoying balloons that pop up.

The first thing I do is set it to look like Windows 2000, and then take care of the popups in RegEdit by making a zeroed-out keyword “EnableBalloonTips” in HKEY_CURRENT_USER/Software/Microsoft/Windows/Current Version/Explorer/Advanced

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Things Which Never Happen on X:WP

There is a god whose powers do not reside in an easily stolen object.

Another brother of Xena’s shows up and she already told Gabrielle all about him.

There is a cave nearby and Xena never bothered to store supplies for her army there.

The trajectory of Xena’s chakram becomes indeterminate after the 14th or 15th bounce.

Callisto goes through an entire episode without once being buried under a pile of rocks.

Ruffians attack Xena all at once, not in single file.

IF X:WP Was an Eighties Show

Pee Wee Herman is Joxer

Molly Ringwald is Gabrielle.

Ares played by Mr. T (“I’m the god of war, FOOL!”)

Villainess of the Week: Blair, from The Facts of Life

The first season is released on Betamax.

Xena’s warrior boots are replaced by legwarmers.

Xena Smilies

O-( User is a Cyclops

(-: User is from New Zealand

:*) User is Meleager

$-) User is Salmoneus

:-[ User is a Bacchae

:-@ “Yiyiyiyiyiyiyi!!!”

:^( Xena used a left hook

:v( Xena used a right cross

:-X User requires a pinch interrogation

<:-) User is Joxer

Windows NT 4.0

This is a fresh installation of Windows NT 4.0 for Workstations (1996) with the default 16 color 800×600 pixel VGA display. This version is basically the same as NT 3.51 but uses the Windows 95 “Taskbar/Desktop-as-Folder” paradigm that has become ubiquitous ever since. As such, it has the same annoyances as Windows 95, such as creating a shortcut to an executable by default when you drag its icon to the desktop. Also, you have to change the settings so it doesn’t open a new window for every folder you enter.

This is NT after a driver was installed for 24 bit color 1024×768 pixels, and I have Internet Explorer 2.0 running. It’s like being in the middle of the freeway with a tricycle. Only very primitive websites (such as my own) will render at all.

Opera version 8.53 is the last version to work with Windows NT4 and pretty much the only option as browsers go. Google looks like shit, but Bing seems to render okay. This is oldest operating system I can drive out onto the World Wide Web, since Windows 95 keeps kicking my ass.

Xena Sports

Stock Chariot Racing

“Bad”-minton

“Bi”-athlon

Idiotrod God Sledding

Equestrian Kickboxing

Nude Fishing

Gyne-nastics

Volcanodiving

Volleyfireball

Staff Vault

World Cup Sock-her

Sidekick Dragging

Bush Diving

The Running of the Bull Dykes

Silver Star Mountain

Silver Star Mt. near Vancouver, WA.

You see Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Rainier, and Mt. Adams. Behind you is Mt. Hood, Mt, Jefferson, the Three Sisters, the Coast Range, and all of Portland/Vancouver. This was my backyard. I know every road, every trail, every waterfall.

It looks higher than it is (4,390 feet) because it was denuded by the Yacolt Burn early in the 20th Century and many of the trees haven’t grown back. Rockslides removed the good soil. So you have a timberline situation some two thousand feet lower than it ought. But that makes for great views.