Conspiracies

Last Thursdayism

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Some Christians, such as Seventh Day Adventists, claim that the universe is only 6,000 years old, with fossils of dinosaurs planted in the ground and the light from galaxies which are more distant than 6,000 light-years pre-positioned enroute.

On one hand they say the existence of God can be known from looking at the things of His creation, just as Paul asserts in Romans 1:20. And on the other hand, they say the world’s true age was faked, possibly as a test to weed out the true believers who rely on faith in the sacred scriptures from those who will be tempted to follow the evil human doctrines of science. What they never do is put the two claims together and conclude that God is a fake.

A fake past joined seamlessly with a real present can never be falsified. The line could be set at last Thursday just as validly as at 4004 BC. With no way to tell, it’s a waste of time to assert any date.

What is the motivation for holding to a six thousand year old universe? Because these Christians have taken an isolated passage from the Bible that says “a thousand years is as a day to the Lord” and they have constructed a narrative that depicts human history as a “week” of these super-long “days”. If the Earth is 6,000 years old, hence six symbolic “days”, then we’re on the cusp of the seventh day Sabbath rest, which is the Millennium to be ushered in by the Messiah.

Unfortunately, they can no longer use Archbishop Ussher’s date of 4,004 BCE for creation, because the year 1996 has come and gone with no messianic age in sight. Frank Klassen, in The Reese Chronological Bible, gives the date of creation at 3976, hence the Millennium will begin in 2024. Subtract seven years for the Great Tribulation and it looks like the Rapture is this year.

A CONSPIRACY THEORY THEORY

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The Flat Earth Society has become a truly global movement and is now taking donations for a communication satellite.

Christians embarrassed by the scientific absurdities in the Bible try to say it doesn’t explicitly teach the Earth is flat, but it does so implicitly in Luke 4:5:

And the devil, taking him up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time.

So how did Satan and Jesus see the Kingdom of Chin from a “high mountain” at the same time they saw the Kingdom of Phrygia?

The usual dodge is that Satan just showed Jesus a vision of all the kingdoms of the Earth. But if so, then we are free to doubt anything stated by the Bible. Maybe the resurrection of Christ was just a vision.

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Linux Gal: Windows Guy, there’s no space aliens. We would have heard their equivalent of the World Series and seen their version of “I Love Lucy” first, and then after setting up a two-way conversation over many years, teaching each other to speaka zee lingo, we would have made an appointment to meet in The Hague or something, where they would announce that Al Gore is right about global warming , and it would all be under the sunshine policy, out in the open, on CNN and no conspiracy stuff. It would NOT be just the UFO and some hayseed on his combine in Idaho or some shit like that.

Windows Guy: You see, Linux Gal, that is exactly what the theory says has happened, more or less. The government knows, you don’t. That’s what this disclosure business is all about. Breaking it gently to the masses.

Linux Gal: It’s always like that, these silly claims, whether they be religious ones or claims about UFOs or faces on Mars or grassy knolls or WTC #7s falling down after a controlled demolition, you name it. There’s always a tidy explanation for the lack of evidence. God has to hide so people can believe in him rather than just look up and say, hey, look, there’s God. The UFOs are covered up by the CIA because if the Russians knew we were getting all our technology from Alpha Centauri they’d initiate a nuclear first strike before our perfect reverse-engineered Centaurian missile shield was ready. One faction in NASA sent the Mars probe to cash in on the contracts, and the other one caused it to “fail” with buggy software to keep it from seeing the Martian monorail system, because if society saw how efficient mass transit worked on Mars, they’d demand it here on earth and the Oil Lobby mightn’t like it.