Politics

THE GREENS AND THE GRAYS

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Environmentalism is the philosophy that the Earth is like an aircraft carrier far out in the middle of the ocean, and if there’s a fire we should make an effort to put it out on the grounds that we have no where else to go! Silly, I know. Environmentalists do not suffer fuels gladly. We are often called Greens.

Greens are fundamentally opposed by the Grays who believe the Earth is like a front yard in the middle of West Virginia where they can just let the grass grow up to hide the sleeping dogs and leave a bunch of parted out cars laying around leaking oil and tranny fluid, and any effort spent trying to raise the planet’s “curb appeal” is pure communism and reminds them of when their mother told them to clean up their room. Besides, Jesus is coming any minute now to rapture them out and clean it all up anyway.

GORSUCH AND PROCEDURE COMPLIANCE

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Trump’s nominee for the Supreme Court, Neil Gorsuch, holds a theory of judicial interpretation known as textualism, the idea that laws should be followed precisely as written. “Do as I say, not as I meant.” But textualism is no bulwark against the constant shift of the meaning of English words, which is a feature (or bug) of all living languages.

For instance, a century ago in the English language, one definition of “worship” referred to indistinct forms of deference owed to authorities such as judges or lords, such that there even existed “Your Worship” as a term of respect. More recently, the broader definition has faded away and the word has come to mean, exclusively, the adoration reserved solely to a deity. If the word had been included in the US Constitution a textualist would be compelled, by his own theory, to offer divine worship as it is currently formulated to mere human beings.

And in a case of one hand giving while the other hand takes away, textualism eliminates the liberal judicial activism which “discovered” a woman’s right to an abortion in Roe v. Wade but it also eliminates the conservative judicial activism which “discovered” the state, not the immediate family, had a right to determine the fate of Terri Schialvo, a Florida woman who remained alive with only a functioning brain stem, with no living gray matter at all.

Of course, the way conservatives (like Governor Jeb Bush in the Schialvo situation) get around that is to fall back to plain old fashioned hypocrisy.

WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE WHEN TRUMP GETS US NUKED?

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If you’re very close to ground zero, you won’t feel it or even know it.

As you move away from the point of detonation, the ring of human bodies become almost recognizable, but are charred, and even the beer bottles at their feet will be melted.

Outside of that is the ring of half-standing blackened buildings with white “shadows” along their base that had been people blocking the burning radiation.

Beyond that is the ring of people who are still alive, but burned so badly they have no hope of recovery, and they are in such shock they feel nothing, make no sound, and will soon die.

Beyond that is the ring of people who do make a sound, for they are in the throes of agony such as they have never felt before in their life, and they have stripped themselves naked for their clothes make the pain worse, and their arms are held at a forty-five degree angle at their side, for if their arms touch their bodies the pain of the contact becomes too great.

Even if anyone does survive, the residual radiation of the blast does its dirty work, tearing at the DNA in the body, so that in the end, fifteen years later, even the survivors would in fact be a victim of the attack, in the form of an unbelievably painful bone cancer.